Nothing says "I have control of this mom gig" like having your underwear exposed to the patrons of your local bakery by your deviant 3 year old son. I had a sundress on, and my little Benjamin with me. I had just picked up a few things and we were standing in line...so I had my hands full. I was vulnerable, and Ben, able to sniff out vulnerability like a wild, rabid wolf under a full moon... just went for it. He had been holding on to the bottom of my dress...looking sweet and innocent...flashing (no pun intended) smiles at the other customers in line. When suddenly he just pulled my dress up. In the following 4 seconds, my thought process went something like this...Oh My God! How many people can see my underwear? Do I have underwear on? Yes, thank you GOD! What do I do now? Maybe people won't notice. No, everyone is looking. God, please make Ben let go of my dress and I'll totally give all my baked goods to a stranger in need on the way home. Why don't these bargains with God ever work? My undies are still in plain sight. This is karmic payback for that time I absentmindedly told the kids they could get a ferret and then\ didn't follow through. Maybe I should just get them a ferret? No, Brian will kill me, plus their cages stink. Just one more living being in the house for me to care for. They are cute, though. Don't even know where to get a ferret. Maybe a hamster? Cute but stinky. A fish. Yes, totally a fish. Less maintenance and easily replaced for when his little tank gets tipped over. Why is Ben laughing an evil laugh? Must never come to this bakery again.
I then made the decision drop several baked goods and promptly pull my dress down. Instead of making a big deal by yelling at Ben, I smiled a closed lipped, submissive smile to the other customers and gave them the "mom eye roll." As if to say..."Oh these kids! Crazy little rascals....what WILL they think of next?"!! As we waited in line, I thought about ways I could get back at Ben when he's a teenager. Maybe this is why parents do all sorts of embarrassing things to their kids when they get older. I pictured myself standing on the sidelines of his high school soccer championship game with a house coat on and my hair in big rollers, screaming "Go Bunny!" (his infant nickname). Then yelling at the coach who made a bad call against my Bunny. Calling the parents of kids on the other team when I don't like their attitude. Ben riding in the backseat of my 1960 wood paneled station wagon while we pull out of the parking lot of the big game while I listen to Wayne Newton on full volume with the windows down. As they say....revenge is a dish best served cold...and in a house coat.
Meanwhile, on a more wholesome note...Brian & I took the kids to church last Sunday for the first time in a long time. In addition to me wanting to get back to church, I really want to give my children a basis of having a faith as my parents did for me. For obvious reasons, we've been reluctant to bring a 3 & 4 year old to church for a 1 hour mass. But they did fantastic! They sat quietly and seemed to really enjoy the music. I couldn't have asked for anything more. Of course, on the way home there were lots of questions...like "Mommy, how old is God? Is God in Kindergarten? What's God's last name?" Hmmmm. How do I answer these questions? I briefly contemplated something like "Sweetie, would you like to get some ice cream?" But instead I opted for a more honest approach...and explained that these would be great questions to ask Grandma & Grandpa when they go up for their next sleepover! :) It did get me thinking about how as the kids get older, the more hard questions about life they're going to ask, and I need to be prepared to answer the questions we all wonder about...like - What's it all about? Is there a Heaven? Why do bad things happen to good people? How is it that Ryan Seacrest keeps showing up on my tv and radio, and is he really a permanent fixture on New Years Rockin' Eve?
Yes, must be prepared for these toughies. This Ryan Seacrest Entertainment Empire is only getting bigger and is sure to test the faith of many.
In the meantime, I've learned a big lesson this week...which is not to wear a sundress to church if I'm bringing Ben.