Thursday, January 23, 2014

January: A Month of Cold & Crazy

So it's late January.  A time for breaking New Year's resolutions, bundling up in 17 layers of clothes & dealing with the Polar Vortex, and generally just trudging along until a more exciting month comes along.  January is admittedly NOT my favorite month.  Or my second favorite.  In fact, it's my 12th favorite.  I actually like the snow and enjoy the seasons and winter...but January is basically a baron wasteland of nothingness.  The excitement of the December holidays are long gone....The February excitement of  rodents popping out of their there hiding spots to predict the start of spring is still so far off.  But I suppose January has it's place.  It kind of forces us to take a break.  I like to think of January as a month where I figure things out...set in motion plans for the New Year.  I don't feel that pressure to be out and about since it's negative 17 degrees out.  It's the one month out of the year when I don't feel guilty snuggling up under some warm blankets with the kids and watching movies and resting instead of being out with the kids out doing things with our free time, as the germ factor is also at a fever pitch (haha..."fever" pitch...pun TOTALLY intended).  Gosh, I guess the cabin "fever" really is setting in.  I know what you're thinking...."But Melissa, you're already off your rocker!  How much crazier could you get?" 

Well I'm glad you asked.  Turns out there was room for a lot more crazy, as evidenced by the following information...

So Santa brought the kids some movies for Christmas - one of them being "Despicable Me 2".  The Despicable Me movies are fun to watch - even for us adults.  Brian & I have happily watched it with the kids dozens of times now. We're even excited at the prospect of a 3rd movie coming out (I mean really excited.)  Anyway, as I was nestled up with kids on a recent snowy day, watching DM2 - I found myself thinking that the main character, Gru - even though not classically attractive -is such a sweet guy with a rough exterior and so good with the kids, that he would be a fun date.  He'd probably be up for anything including roller skating to 80's music at a local rink.  My mind wandered to a scene where Gru & I were roller skating hand in hand to the unofficial anthem of the 80's - Billy Ocean's "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car.."   Yep, it's the end of January and that's where I'm at...

Also, recently came the revelation that my cell phone may be haunted with supernatural activity.  It's been called to my attention lately, that people are receiving random texts from me.  Like out of the blue Brian will call me and ask if everything's ok.  When I inform him everything is fine, he asks me why I sent him a text telling him that I can't talk right now because I'm busy and I'll call him later.  What???   Knowing I didn't send that text, I immediately check my phone, and sure enough - there was a text sent to him an hour before.  The creepy thing was that when that text was sent I was outside with the dog - I didn't even have my phone with me.  How could that have happened?  Then I'd get a text from my mom asking if I'm ok.  I check my phone and same thing - a text telling her I can't talk now.  Strangely enough, I'd been in the shower when that text was sent to her.  What was going on?  It was like there was a really polite ghost using my phone to let people know I was busy.  Like a supernatural personal secretary of sorts.  It was really starting to creep me out, though and I found myself putting my phone down somewhere then going and "spying" on it to make sure it wasn't getting in touch with anyone it shouldn't.  And frankly, I've been hovering around my data usage limit for the last few months and didn't need some pesky ghost using up the remainder of my data and costing me overusage charges. 

I had to get to the bottom of this thing, so I called one of my "go-to" people when something bizarre happens - my sister.  She's the type of person I can call and tell her absolutely anything and she's not shocked. Like for a Christmas gift, I could send her a map of Zimbabwe, a biography of Pat Sajak, and a scientific calculator and she'd be cool. No questions asked.  So I call her at 10pm one night to inform her that my phone is haunted by a pesky, but polite supernatural entity.  We mulled that over for a bit and decided that as fun as all that would be, there was probably a scientific explanation.  Plus, she hadn't been texted by the ghost, so clearly there was some good reason for that. Sherlock Holmes style, we had deduced that the texts had only gone out to those who had recently called me when I wasn't in posession of my phone.  So where was my phone?  It was on the wait, it wasn't.  BEN had it.  He's obsessed with playing games on my iPhone and whenever I put it down, he picks it up and starts playing.  So was it him sending texts?  OMG my 3 year old son in a genius - call Mensa!   So we had my sister hang up and call me back while I pretneded to be Ben playing one of his games on my phone.  Sure enough, when there's an incoming call, there are options to "decline" the call and another to "send a text message".  When you hit the send message option, up pops a list of canned messages that say things to the effect "I can't talk now - I'll call you back.."  So he was clearly hitting one of those and sending the along - having no clue whatsoever.  Mystery solved.  My Thursday evening spent digging for clues in the case of the Haunted iPhone. 

So I'm going on imaginary roller skating dates with cartoon characters and my phone isn't haunted by a supernatural entity.  Yep....January.  Prayers for sanity always appreciated.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Keep Your Head up, Dear Mom

I was browsing through some other blogs I enjoy reading, and stumbled upon this on a blog called Finding Joy.   It's both wonderful & inspiring...and you're probably going to need a few tissues...

keep your head up, dear mom.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Grocery Store Etiquette 101

Ever run into someone you know at the grocery store?  Be it a friend, neighbor, coworker, someone from church, school, or the hot guy you always see running through your neighborhood?  Maybe it's someone you met at kid's story time at the library or a friend you haven't seen in a few years and lost touch with?  No matter who it is -there are exactly 2 options you have once you've spotted an acquaintance at the grocery store.

 1)  Look away quickly before they see you and duck behind a display of Entenmann's pastry pretending to be really absorbed in the nutrition label of the blueberry streusel cake in the event you get caught. 

2) Quickly check the contents of your cart, covering up anything "embarrassing" then approach them with the "happy homemaker" smile. 

Sometimes you don't have the choice in the case that your the "approachee".  Like the other person has already taken stock of what's in their cart and deemed it acceptable, meanwhile you don't have that luxury and are taken totally off guard. Once approached, you just need to make the best of the situation and just "own" what's in your cart.  Like, if you run into another mom and she's toting around her Hummus, Kale and organic grapes - and you're PMS-ing and have a cart full of Cheetos, Ice Cream Sandwiches and a super multipack of tampons- there's not much you can do.  Don't even try to explain it. Let the cart speak for itself.  Chances are she's been there and can sympathize and knows better than to engage you in more than a 2 minute conversation since she understands you need to rip that bag of Cheetos open before you lose your shit and get teary about the fact that your pants didn't button that morning due to the bloating which is why your wearing your Bella Band to secure your pants even though you thought you'd never use it again after your last pregnancy.

Luckily, if it's a guy you happen to run into, he's probably not going to notice what's in your cart because he's too busy trying to cover up the Preparation H he's got in his cart.

Over the weekend I was caught red handed with six (6) containers of Miralax in my basket.  Not even a cart - I had one of those small hand baskets - so there was no concealing it's contents.  For those of you who aren't familiar with Miralax - think "Ex-Lax".  My poor little Benjamin suffers from constant constipation and is on a daily dose of Miralax.  I'm sure one day Ben will be thrilled that I blogged about his bathroom issues. My little Benjamin Bunny's bowel issues are of great concern, though and when he's regular, everyone is happy :)   So as you can imagine, when there's a sale on Miralax (this stuff is pricey!!) and I have a coupon for $2 off a 14 day dose - I'm pretty darn excited.  I mean, this is what my life has come to.  So off I head to the store to stock up on the magic Miralax when I run into an acquaintance I haven't seen in years.  I was actually standing in front of her in the 12 items or less checkout and we exchanged pleasantries.  It was awkward when I put my 6 Miralax on the belt and nothing else.  There was just nothing I could say.  No matter what it was awkward.  I knew if I addressed it, I would over-explain and it would just turn into one of those things where I get myself in deep and wished someone would shove a sock in my mouth.. "Oh, these?  These are for my son.  Yeah, my son - I swear.  I mean, we give him fiber - lots of fiber, but still - nothing!  The Dr suggests prune juice, but can you imagine trying to get a 3 year old to drink that stuff?  Have you ever had that?  Not saying you would NEED that...I mean, obviously you don't - well I mean, maybe you do but I'm sure you don't.  No judgement either way. Some people drink prune juice for the taste, I guess.  Some people enjoy it.  Supposed to be good for digestion.  An acquired taste, I think.  Not that I've ever tried it.  Have you? Sorry, you don't have to answer that - not trying to pry.  I mean, that's personal.  Anyway, apparently this is a common issue with 3 year olds..."   Yeah, so I just kept my mouth shut.  As I stood in line waiting for the nice cashier to scan my goodies (and accompanying coupons) I had the song "You say it best.....when you say nothing at all..." in my head.  And ya know, as I doubled bagged my purchases I realized that I've reached a place in my life where I really don't care what that woman thought!  Yes, a newfound freedom of sorts.  However, I must admit that if it were the hot mailman who delivers our mail when the regular one is on vacation that I'd run into....I probably would've ditched that basket of Miralax behind the Campbell's soup display and studied the label on a Classic Tomato soup until I was in the clear.  Although with my luck, some alert store employee would probably announce over the loud speaker that the woman at the Campbell's Soup display had left her basket of "digestion aids" back in the aisle. Own it, people....just own it.