Too Much of a Good Thing

I just returned from a trip to the grocery store where I heard the song "All I need" by Jack Wagner.  Remember him?? Frisco from General Hospital back in the 80's?  I was totally in love with him...what red blooded woman between 14 and 70 who watched General Hospital wasn't?  He may have even been my first crush.  Oh and his music...I literally knew every song he sang word for word.  So as you can imagine, as I was perusing the dairy aisle of Big Y and heard "All I Need"....well, I got really excited...and what started out as a low grade hum culminated in a full fledged sing-a-long by the time I got to the frozen pizza aisle.  I literally couldn't stop myself.  In my defense there were very few people actually in the store on a Monday morning, but I do have to wonder if they have security camera's in the aisles that may have caught my impromptu karaoke session on tape.  Even if so, I wouldn't take it back!  When I grabbed that cucumber and used it as a makeshift microphone, it brought me back to the days when me and my BFF Bridget would grab a hairbrush (or whatever else was in reach) and belt out our favorite songs.  I'm totally liberated today.

Anywho, while shopping, I was doing my rounds in the produce department (who was unfortunately NOT lucky enough to be a part of my Monday morning entertainment circuit) & I went to grab my "stand by" fruits & veggies...one of which includes kale that I regularly put into my green smoothies. I remembered an article that I'd recently read about the CONS OF KALE!  Yes, you read that right.  There's actually such thing as eating too much kale which can result in thyroid issues when overdone.  What the hell kind of a world are we living in when you have to watch your kale intake???  It makes me question all of humanity.  Now I have no idea how much weight this article really carries and exactly how much kale is too much...but it did make me think that there can be "too much of a good thing".  I mean, I suppose it's like everything - moderation/balance/everything has it's place.   That's what I aim for in life.  A Yin/Yang sorta thing.  So every now and again, I'll eat an entire box of Macaroni & Cheese for breakfast to even things out.  In fact, I did that yesterday. And I didn't feel bad.  And I was liberated.  Totally liberated.

And now onto something totally NOT liberating....Winter.

That's all there really is to say about that. 


Finally, as winter colds & germs continue to run rampant, my little Benjamin has been fighting a random high fever.  Although he's fine now, there were a few days where his fever would spike up to 103 degrees...no other symptoms. It would typically happen at night and he'd wake up fussing and hot. I decided it would be best to sleep in his bed with him so I could keep an eye on him and be there in case he needed me.  Ok, so here's the scene. A twin bed...Me, Ben...and once Lauren caught wind of the fact that I was sleeping in Ben's room...she showed up with her pillow and blanket and got in bed too. 2 of my cats also enjoy sleeping on top of me- so they followed me in and jumped in bed,too. They kind of drape themselves over me and purr...which is really sweet and normally a welcome comfort....but in the context of the already crowded bed, it made for quite the interesting night's sleep.  I think the most insulting part of the whole thing was waking up in the morning all curled up and twisted to accomodate the 4 other beings in the twin bed and feeling something uncomfortable underneath me.  When I got out of bed I found I'd been sleeping on top of a pink seahorse bath toy and a matchbox car...

And on that note...to quote Jack Wagner..."All I Need...is just a little more time wine.." 

A Groundhog Day to Forget

It's February!  Which means it's no longer January! Which means that with each passing winter month, it's less likely that come spring, someone will find a 500 page manuscript laying around in my living room, filled with just one line typed repeatedly over and over ...'All work and no play makes Melissa a dull girl'   So that's good news! 

In other news, Punxsutawney Phil has emerged from his little rodent hole bearing news that there will be another 6 weeks of winter instead of just 4.  I mean, I guess it's only 2 extra weeks of winter...but still, this is just not what people want to hear.  I mean - can't he just make the 4 week prediction and give all of humanity some hope that Spring is just around the corner??  True or not, it would do our fragile, frozen, psyche's some good to have hope for an early Spring.  I mean, as much as I enjoy a good snowstorm and pretty fresh fallen snow...it would be nice to know that green grass and blooming flowers aren't too far off.  However, as an animal lover, I can appreciate that Phil is only doing his job, and find his cute little groundhog face just too sweet to be mad at. 

The riveting fun of Groundhog Day aside, we also celebrate my son Benjamin's birthday on February 15th.  He will be turning 4!!!  FOUR YEARS OLD!  He's my "baby"!!!   It's absolutely insane how fast time goes by.  I want to hit "pause" and just enjoy both my kids right now.  Lauren just turned 5 in November and now Benjamin will be 4.  It makes me realize I need to enjoy every single moment.  Being a parent has given me a new appreciation of time and making the most of each moment....even the "not so fun" ones when things get hectic and one of them doesn't want to bathe and the other refuses to eat vegetables. Or when Ben pees in his sneaker instead of the potty, and Lauren insists she "needs her own iPad so she can play Angry Birds and Barbie Games" (her words exactly).  Or when I take them both to CVS to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy and they both put their mouths on the edge of the pharmacy counter thinking it's funny knowing it will drive their OCD momma absolutely insane - which it did.  I'm still having flashbacks of that one....BLECH!  In any event, these are the times that one day I will look back at and long for...well not so much the counter licking thing, but the other stuff. 

And finally, in other news...my new obsession is my cast iron skillet.  Brian's mom gave it to me a few months ago and I'm OBSESSED with this thing.  You can cook everything in it - you can even put it in the oven to bake things.  When you sear a steak in it, it creates lots of yummy sauce ("au jus" if you want to be fancy about it).  Skillet chicken comes out soooooo tender.  And my latest thing is making blackened chicken sandwiches with lemon & garlic mayo.  Yumsville!  I'll post the recipes for these things shortly :)

Meanwhile, after all that talk of spring, we are now experiencing a snow storm, with another on the way for this weekend....  and now I must go and work on that manuscript....

January: A Month of Cold & Crazy

So it's late January.  A time for breaking New Year's resolutions, bundling up in 17 layers of clothes & dealing with the Polar Vortex, and generally just trudging along until a more exciting month comes along.  January is admittedly NOT my favorite month.  Or my second favorite.  In fact, it's my 12th favorite.  I actually like the snow and enjoy the seasons and winter...but January is basically a baron wasteland of nothingness.  The excitement of the December holidays are long gone....The February excitement of  rodents popping out of their there hiding spots to predict the start of spring is still so far off.  But I suppose January has it's place.  It kind of forces us to take a break.  I like to think of January as a month where I figure things out...set in motion plans for the New Year.  I don't feel that pressure to be out and about since it's negative 17 degrees out.  It's the one month out of the year when I don't feel guilty snuggling up under some warm blankets with the kids and watching movies and resting instead of being out with the kids out doing things with our free time, as the germ factor is also at a fever pitch (haha..."fever" pitch...pun TOTALLY intended).  Gosh, I guess the cabin "fever" really is setting in.  I know what you're thinking...."But Melissa, you're already off your rocker!  How much crazier could you get?" 

Well I'm glad you asked.  Turns out there was room for a lot more crazy, as evidenced by the following information...

So Santa brought the kids some movies for Christmas - one of them being "Despicable Me 2".  The Despicable Me movies are fun to watch - even for us adults.  Brian & I have happily watched it with the kids dozens of times now. We're even excited at the prospect of a 3rd movie coming out (I mean really excited.)  Anyway, as I was nestled up with kids on a recent snowy day, watching DM2 - I found myself thinking that the main character, Gru - even though not classically attractive -is such a sweet guy with a rough exterior and so good with the kids, that he would be a fun date.  He'd probably be up for anything including roller skating to 80's music at a local rink.  My mind wandered to a scene where Gru & I were roller skating hand in hand to the unofficial anthem of the 80's - Billy Ocean's "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car.."   Yep, it's the end of January and that's where I'm at...


Also, recently came the revelation that my cell phone may be haunted with supernatural activity.  It's been called to my attention lately, that people are receiving random texts from me.  Like out of the blue Brian will call me and ask if everything's ok.  When I inform him everything is fine, he asks me why I sent him a text telling him that I can't talk right now because I'm busy and I'll call him later.  What???   Knowing I didn't send that text, I immediately check my phone, and sure enough - there was a text sent to him an hour before.  The creepy thing was that when that text was sent I was outside with the dog - I didn't even have my phone with me.  How could that have happened?  Then I'd get a text from my mom asking if I'm ok.  I check my phone and same thing - a text telling her I can't talk now.  Strangely enough, I'd been in the shower when that text was sent to her.  What was going on?  It was like there was a really polite ghost using my phone to let people know I was busy.  Like a supernatural personal secretary of sorts.  It was really starting to creep me out, though and I found myself putting my phone down somewhere then going and "spying" on it to make sure it wasn't getting in touch with anyone it shouldn't.  And frankly, I've been hovering around my data usage limit for the last few months and didn't need some pesky ghost using up the remainder of my data and costing me overusage charges. 

I had to get to the bottom of this thing, so I called one of my "go-to" people when something bizarre happens - my sister.  She's the type of person I can call and tell her absolutely anything and she's not shocked. Like for a Christmas gift, I could send her a map of Zimbabwe, a biography of Pat Sajak, and a scientific calculator and she'd be cool. No questions asked.  So I call her at 10pm one night to inform her that my phone is haunted by a pesky, but polite supernatural entity.  We mulled that over for a bit and decided that as fun as all that would be, there was probably a scientific explanation.  Plus, she hadn't been texted by the ghost, so clearly there was some good reason for that. Sherlock Holmes style, we had deduced that the texts had only gone out to those who had recently called me when I wasn't in posession of my phone.  So where was my phone?  It was on the counter...no wait, it wasn't.  BEN had it.  He's obsessed with playing games on my iPhone and whenever I put it down, he picks it up and starts playing.  So was it him sending texts?  OMG my 3 year old son in a genius - call Mensa!   So we had my sister hang up and call me back while I pretneded to be Ben playing one of his games on my phone.  Sure enough, when there's an incoming call, there are options to "decline" the call and another to "send a text message".  When you hit the send message option, up pops a list of canned messages that say things to the effect "I can't talk now - I'll call you back.."  So he was clearly hitting one of those and sending the along - having no clue whatsoever.  Mystery solved.  My Thursday evening spent digging for clues in the case of the Haunted iPhone. 

So I'm going on imaginary roller skating dates with cartoon characters and my phone isn't haunted by a supernatural entity.  Yep....January.  Prayers for sanity always appreciated.

Keep Your Head up, Dear Mom

I was browsing through some other blogs I enjoy reading, and stumbled upon this on a blog called Finding Joy.   It's both wonderful & inspiring...and you're probably going to need a few tissues...

keep your head up, dear mom.

Grocery Store Etiquette 101

Ever run into someone you know at the grocery store?  Be it a friend, neighbor, coworker, someone from church, school, or the hot guy you always see running through your neighborhood?  Maybe it's someone you met at kid's story time at the library or a friend you haven't seen in a few years and lost touch with?  No matter who it is -there are exactly 2 options you have once you've spotted an acquaintance at the grocery store.

 1)  Look away quickly before they see you and duck behind a display of Entenmann's pastry pretending to be really absorbed in the nutrition label of the blueberry streusel cake in the event you get caught. 

2) Quickly check the contents of your cart, covering up anything "embarrassing" then approach them with the "happy homemaker" smile. 

Sometimes you don't have the choice in the case that your the "approachee".  Like the other person has already taken stock of what's in their cart and deemed it acceptable, meanwhile you don't have that luxury and are taken totally off guard. Once approached, you just need to make the best of the situation and just "own" what's in your cart.  Like, if you run into another mom and she's toting around her Hummus, Kale and organic grapes - and you're PMS-ing and have a cart full of Cheetos, Ice Cream Sandwiches and a super multipack of tampons- there's not much you can do.  Don't even try to explain it. Let the cart speak for itself.  Chances are she's been there and can sympathize and knows better than to engage you in more than a 2 minute conversation since she understands you need to rip that bag of Cheetos open before you lose your shit and get teary about the fact that your pants didn't button that morning due to the bloating which is why your wearing your Bella Band to secure your pants even though you thought you'd never use it again after your last pregnancy.

Luckily, if it's a guy you happen to run into, he's probably not going to notice what's in your cart because he's too busy trying to cover up the Preparation H he's got in his cart.

Over the weekend I was caught red handed with six (6) containers of Miralax in my basket.  Not even a cart - I had one of those small hand baskets - so there was no concealing it's contents.  For those of you who aren't familiar with Miralax - think "Ex-Lax".  My poor little Benjamin suffers from constant constipation and is on a daily dose of Miralax.  I'm sure one day Ben will be thrilled that I blogged about his bathroom issues. My little Benjamin Bunny's bowel issues are of great concern, though and when he's regular, everyone is happy :)   So as you can imagine, when there's a sale on Miralax (this stuff is pricey!!) and I have a coupon for $2 off a 14 day dose - I'm pretty darn excited.  I mean, this is what my life has come to.  So off I head to the store to stock up on the magic Miralax when I run into an acquaintance I haven't seen in years.  I was actually standing in front of her in the 12 items or less checkout and we exchanged pleasantries.  It was awkward when I put my 6 Miralax on the belt and nothing else.  There was just nothing I could say.  No matter what it was awkward.  I knew if I addressed it, I would over-explain and it would just turn into one of those things where I get myself in deep and wished someone would shove a sock in my mouth.. "Oh, these?  These are for my son.  Yeah, my son - I swear.  I mean, we give him fiber - lots of fiber, but still - nothing!  The Dr suggests prune juice, but can you imagine trying to get a 3 year old to drink that stuff?  Have you ever had that?  Not saying you would NEED that...I mean, obviously you don't - well I mean, maybe you do but I'm sure you don't.  No judgement either way. Some people drink prune juice for the taste, I guess.  Some people enjoy it.  Supposed to be good for digestion.  An acquired taste, I think.  Not that I've ever tried it.  Have you? Sorry, you don't have to answer that - not trying to pry.  I mean, that's personal.  Anyway, apparently this is a common issue with 3 year olds..."   Yeah, so I just kept my mouth shut.  As I stood in line waiting for the nice cashier to scan my goodies (and accompanying coupons) I had the song "You say it best.....when you say nothing at all..." in my head.  And ya know, as I doubled bagged my purchases I realized that I've reached a place in my life where I really don't care what that woman thought!  Yes, a newfound freedom of sorts.  However, I must admit that if it were the hot mailman who delivers our mail when the regular one is on vacation that I'd run into....I probably would've ditched that basket of Miralax behind the Campbell's soup display and studied the label on a Classic Tomato soup until I was in the clear.  Although with my luck, some alert store employee would probably announce over the loud speaker that the woman at the Campbell's Soup display had left her basket of "digestion aids" back in the aisle. Own it, people....just own it.

Santa Baby: Please Bring Me Joy, Peace, Love, Sanity and Wine

There's a scene in the classic 1980's movie "Road House" where Patrick Swayze says.. "Be nice until it's time to not be nice."  This pretty much sums up where we are with our 3 year old, Benjamin right now.  I'm nice.  I'm the mommy and my role is to be nurturing and loving and make sure both my children grow up to be respectful of others, appreciative of what they have - most especially the non-material things - and of course in the meantime I have to discipline when necessary.  I admit, I'm a big softie when it comes to my children.  I of course say "no" when needed, but when it comes to "time outs" and taking away toys or privileges as a consequence - I often find myself feeling guilty and thinking "but they're just babies..."  It's tough when they're preschoolers...trying to make sure they understand the rules and what's acceptable and not, without being too soft or too tough on them. 

So I'm nice.  However, Benjamin has decided that he no longer wants to bathe, so it's time to not be nice.  I mean, there are just certain social norms that just aren't up for debate.  Bathing is one of them.  What it really comes down to is a battle of wills with him.  He's at this stage where he will challenge us on things for no apparent reason other than to see which of us will crack first.  So on Sunday morning when he refused to get in the bath, I issued an ultimatum - he would not be allowed to play any games on my iphone, or play games on the computer or Wii - until he took a bath.  I won, as I stuck with it all day and by Sunday night, he was in total media withdrawal and he finally gave in.

It occurred to me at one point how ironic and absurd it is that 3 year olds these days are so savvy with electronics and media.  I mean - Ben's punishment was no iPhone, Wii or computer.  He's 3.  What's next?   He'll be live Tweeting on New Years Eve in Times Square?  Developing websites on a consulting basis for a little extra side cash?  It also makes me wonder what people my age (29) were doing for fun back when we were 3?  After perusing some old pics of my childhood, I concluded that I was trying on my mother's Dr Scholl clogs and her 70's dresses with a sunhat, waiting for my big break as a movie star.  My "media"was listening to a narration of "Cry Baby Duck" on my portable little 45 record player.  I also had a mouse named "Missy Mouse" that I'd tote around the house.  I'd feed her and bathe her and wrap her up in a blanket to snuggle her.  Obviously this was before they realized that mice are actually carriers of many transmittable diseases and probably aren't best suited as the pet of choice for a 3 yr old.   But hey, it was the 70's - back when everyone was drinking Lowenbrau beer and actually encouraged to smoke cigarettes while pumping gas.  The good old days. 

Well that was a nice walk down memory lane, but back here in reality, Christmas is upon us.  I love Christmas, but I always find myself really torn.  I'm so frustrated by the sheer commercialism of it all, and each year vow not to get too crazy over the gift-giving aspect of it.  Of course it's nice to exchange small memento's of appreciation with friends and family.  And I'm very grateful for what I receive.  But everything always seems to get a little out of control, culminating in a Christmas Eve extravaganza where the kids tear open presents in the living room with reckless abandon, barely glancing at the gift before tossing it aside to open the next one. Don't get me wrong...it's wonderful and they SHOULD get to experience that and all the wonder and excitement of waiting for Santa to come and finding the presents they've been wanting all year wrapped up under the tree.  But I want them to understand how lucky and blessed we are and realize that as fun as gifts are, it's not what the Christmas season is about.  That giving and helping others all year and especially at Christmas time is just as important.  They are too young to understand this, but there are people right here in the city where we live that don't have a roof over their heads and warm clothes on their backs.  They don't have enough to eat, never mind gifts from Santa under the tree.  That just kills me.  Thank God for organizations like MACC Charities (Manchester Area Conference of Churches) for all they do.  Every little bit counts - monetary donations as well as non perishable food items, blankets, toiletries, etc.  We all have something to give this holiday season- no matter how big or small.  If each person reading this clicked on the link and donated just $5 - can you imagine what a difference that would make?  Or if we each committed to donating some non perishable items from our own cabinets, or an extra blanket?  Surely we all have something to give to our local food pantry or shelter. 

I wish you all a Merry Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and blessed New Year!  Thank you for reading my blog and allowing me to share with you all the craziness, fun, silliness, the ups & downs and adventures of parenting and just life in general :)  

Socks Appeal

6 weeks ago we had a new gas dryer delivered.  We hooked it up to the existing gas line where the previous gas dryer was and made the silly mistake of thinking we were good to go ahead and start using it.  Au contraire, mon frere (literal translation: Hell no).  According to everyone else in the free world who's ever hooked up thier own gas dryer (my father) - it was a piece of cake and just about impossible to screw up. 

Heavy Machinery and highly flammable, combustible material - what could go wrong?  So we lit our cigarettes and got started.   Just kidding.  My father didn't seem to be amused, either when we texted him a picture of Brian kneeling down next to the gas pipeline with a wrench in one hand and a lit cigar hanging out of his mouth. The best part is that my dad takes everything very seriously, so no matter how outlandish the joke, he automatically gets wound up thinking he has to save me from myself.  Needless to say, I got a phone call with a lecture about the dangers of natural gas and the hazards of smoking.  I told my father not to worry, as we had cracked a window and only smoked filtered cigarettes, which are proven to be much safer than unfiltered.   

In any event, we got the dryer hooked up no problem.  It was the potent smell of gas after that was the issue.  Unsure of what had gone wrong, we immediately turned the gas line off, but of course we had to get to the root of the problem and figure out if and where the leak was.  So we decided it was worth paying someone - an actual professional - to come out and hook the dryer up properly.  Of course it was Saturday.  So I get online to research and it appeared that having our local gas company come out was our only option.  The good news was that they offered services 7 days per week, the bad news was that their weekend rates are as follows: 

$114.00 - Minimum for first quarter hour (15 minutes)

$42.00 - Each additional quarter hour

That's $114 more than we were looking to spend for for 15 minutes, but we were still smelling gas (even after we shut the line off), so we pretty much had no choice but to call them.  Here's the thing about the gas company.....when you call them and mention that you tried to hook up a gas appliance on your own and you believe you now have a gas leak, they take it pretty seriously.   Especially when they find out you're smoking.  They actually come out for free when there's a suspected gas leak involved to secure any immediate dangers.  Oh good!  They were quick,too.  Almost like they have a unit on hand just waiting for people like us to try and "do it oursleves" so they can dispatch the dummy-mobile to save us from ourselves.  As it turned out, we had a bad gas hose - so it wasn't actually our fault  They made sure the gas line was shut off, told us to get a new hose (or we could have them attach the hose for a mere $500) and then they'd come back to inspect it to make sure it was ok to turn the gas back on.  Ok - so the hose at Home Depot cost like $30 and it was simple to hook up.  That was the easy part.  Now we just had to call the gas company and schedule a time for them to pop by and turn the line back on.  

Here's the other thing about the gas company.  When you call the main number and press #1 for "I may have a gas leak and I'm not sure if I should put my cigarette out", someone answers immediately.  But when you press #2 for "I haven't paid my gas bill because I spent all my money on tobacco products and cheap floozies"  or #3 for "I need to have one of your field workers come to my house and inspect our stupid mistake"...they make you wait.  Estimated wait time was 21 minutes, and we waited on hold for 35.  When we finally got someone on the phone and explained what we needed, she put us on hold for another 20 minutes while she finished her lunch.  She gave us a date like 10 days out and that was that.  

Here's another thing about the gas company - they don't know how to use a calendar, so the nice gas man showed up at our house the next day - a Saturday - of Thanksgiving weekend, no less.  We weren't expecting him. Brian was out getting a hair cut, actually.  So I answer the door in my pj's.  The dog was jumping all over this guy - house was a total mess. But what was I going to do?  I needed the gas line turned back on ASAP, as I was sick of spending my afternoons drying the clothes at the laundry mat with Margie and Bertha watching Judge Alex reruns. There's a whole subculture at the laundry mat, but I'm in no condition to go into that now.  Anyway, I wasn't quite sure what I was talking about, and called Brian several times to no avail - so I'd have to go this alone.  The gas guy was in a hurry and didn't seem like he had much time...so here I am trying to move out the dryer and explain the whole situation and he's seeming like he might just say something like we'll have to call back and reschedule which I just couldn't bare the thought of, so I figure I'll try and be cute and clueless and see if maybe he'll feel bad for me and wait.  But then I glance down at my outfit and realize that I'm in 6 layers of PJ's and "cute" was just not gonna happen.  In fact, I had socks on with flip flops.  I'm not making this up.  SOCKS with FLIP FLOPS, people! 

Yes, this is what I was dealing with.  What is seen cannot be un-seen.  I think ultimately, the guy assumed I was on a weekend pass from the asylum and in the interest of not having me run around town with wet laundry in such a state, he waited it out and finally turned our gas line back on.  So I'm thankful for that.  The moral of this story is never to wear socks with flip flops- even in the privacy of your own home, and of course the other moral is to always buy filtered cigarettes....obviously.